Oh how I love that line from one of my favorite all time movies – “Peggy Sue Got Married”. Peggy, played by Kathleen Turner, gets a chance to go back in time to her senior year in high school where she finds herself with an opportunity to change a life altering circumstance; one she thought she regretted. From her adult perspective in her teenage body, when she sees her then teenage sister, she gives her an enthusiastic hug and says how nice it is to see her and that “we hardly ever see the cousins anymore” – a concept that her sister does not understand because at that point in time, the cousins were constantly in their lives. That line in the movie has always resonated with me because I have always felt that moving on is an inevitable thing, but deep down I did not think it would happen to me.
How relationships change and how people move in and out of our spheres of life is unfathomable when we are younger. During my child rearing years, my core group of friends with whom I raised my children with, socialized with and whose lives tripped over each other all the time were the centrifugal force in my life. Our relationships did not require a concerted effort because our lives were intertwined with school, church, girl scouts, volunteering and just the need to be together to unwind due to the pressures of parenting. Our interests and focus was all the same – the kids.
Then, the slowness creeps in. Children grow up and move on, work lives take on different twists and turns, and you realize that you are not seeing your friends as much as you used to. There is not that constant collision with each other on a daily basis. There creeps in a realization that these relationships take nurturing, time and effort. There are a million reasons why a friendship may change over time and losing a connection point can be one of them. It is an inevitable fact that life takes people in new directions; growing apart from old friends becomes a part of our lives. As I was feeling this “slowness”, I also felt myself mourning; mourning the changes that life brings, mourning not being in touch as much. I felt a deep loneliness and sense of obligation about these important relationships in my life. I used to think that I was immune, that this was someone else’s story. But in my discussions with people in my age bracket and my core group of friends, we are all aware of this happening to all of us.
As time moves on; however, I have gotten better at understanding that friendships and relationships ebb and flow and that is a good thing. People come into our lives for a reason, just as they occasionally move out of our lives. It does not mean that we no longer care about one another. I still love my friends and always will, regardless of the frequency of our visits. I still see them and enjoy the time when we get together and we always pick up where we left off. When you accept it and stop feeling bad about it, you stop taking it so personally. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting – you can continue to love your friends and experience your friendships for a very long time – just in a different way. The relationship is not damaged and in need of repair, it’s just moved on to a different level.
This new perspective offered me a whole new way of looking at all my relationships. I discovered that I could find a deeper fullness and quality in others by putting things into this view. People come into our lives for particular reasons, and things are likely to change. If we can give to those around us, and take from them only what we’re able, then we have a much better chance of looking back fondly, and with gratitude.
The good times you shared with friends don’t have to fade if your connection does. Think of them often, laugh about old times, and share great stories. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting all of the meaningful ways you connected in the past. You can continue to love your friends and experience your friendships in new and sometimes even better ways. There are more meaningful ways to connect in the future!
Life Experiences Add Up 