Thoughtless Words

I was raised by a father who was big on bon mots and I think of his clever sayings often. Thoughtless words create sleepless nights is a good one, but the bon mot that comes to mind the most these days is the first and most profound of Don Miguel’s Four Agreements – Be Impeccable with Your Word.  This five word statement is easier said than done, but with today’s form of communication, it’s really not practiced at all.

I enjoy social media – it’s been great to reconnect with old friends, but what I don’t enjoy is that it tends to be word vomit for some without a thought of what they are really saying as they type away on a phone or computer.  I read hurtful comments to celebrities on Instagram and I am saddened – we have the instantaneous ability to spout out every feeling, opinion, and thought we have when we have them with no idea that there is a real person on the other end of the receiving line of which they truly know nothing about.  Snap judgments are made, and since comments are done anonymously,  those doing the commenting probably feel totally empowered to lash out, especially as they don’t have any consequences or even learn something from their behavior.   I am very hesitant to post anything rapidly without “being impeccable”  –  lashing out with angry comments and shaming.

The reason I bring this up is that as a human race, we are talking less.  We text and email, and chat online, with actual conversations going by the wayside.  So being “impeccable with your word” now seems to apply more than ever to the written word. Forcing opinions leads to arguments and damaged relationships. Debates can be seen as healthy arguments, but there is still a difference between discussing opinions and being intolerant to other’s values.

Our society has turned to a polarizing view on beliefs. Rather than trying to find a compromise, the new standard has become “my way or the highway,” ultimately causing destruction as we expect others to abandon their values. It’s important to realize that we must be tolerant of other people’s values and cultures, recognizing that no one has the right to force their way of life, or opinions onto anyone else.

Having an opinion is good, but being opinionated not so much.

To really master being impeccable requires that you heighten your awareness not just to the words you say, but also to the emotions you express, your attitude, your actions, and where you express the power of your belief. You have to develop a discipline of mindfulness to be impeccable in these expressions through out the day.  It is an art that requires constant attentiveness.

For me, I really have to think before I speak and write – I am one of those people who stress over things I say and the worst feeling is to feel regretful about that.  When I sit tight and remove the emotion from the situation, I find I am much better with communication – both oral and written.

According to the four agreements, your word (lower case) has to do with things you say – your opinions,  comments, and the thoughts in your head.  Your Word (upper case) has to do with the power you create through all the expressions that you make.  Being silent can be impeccable, whereas fears and spouting off do not make you impeccable.

Why is this important? I believe it leads to peace within yourself and ultimately, happiness.  Bitterness, anger, fear, judgement, and all the other negativity just makes you feel bad about yourself.  You can show yourself more love and compassion by not engaging in your thoughts that do not serve you well.  By not taking any comments personally, you can look at them for what they are, and feel compassion for the other individual with whom you might not agree with.  It makes life easier.