Common Courtesy

Lately I have been frustrated at people who do exactly what they want, regardless of how their actions affect others.  Certain people must feel exempt from rules that have been spelled out, or ignore what is common courtesy.  While in Yosemite, I witnessed people walking on the part of the trail where there was a sign clearly spelling out “do not enter – protected wilderness area”.  I watched National Park “tourists” climb on slippery rocks, all the while ignoring the danger signs –  signs worded with such gravity as “death can be a result of rock climbing”.   I sat in front of someone at the ballet who was crunching away on potato chips, and I sat behind someone who, ignoring the comments made by the artistic director to “not use flash photography or phones for videos”, go ahead and do just that – video most of the performance and snap away with their camera.  I was unhappily forced to listen to someone’s dance music while on a breathtaking hiking trail, noticing that their phone was on speaker in an outside backpack pocket, and just this past week I sat in the quiet car on my train ride home from work, as the person next to me chronicled her whole lousy day with a friend while on her phone. Such circumstances as these are examples of people being rude and exhibiting a general lack of common courtesy.

This is not a woe is me tale, rather circumstances that I believe most of us find ourselves in every now and then.  It’s the consequences for us collectively that we are forced to deal with.  Think of what these random acts of rudeness create?  People climbing all over the rocks near the waterfall in Yosemite ruined any photo you could possibly take.  Sure – they had their selfie with the waterfall cascading behind them, but those of us taking photos could not capture the majestic landscape without them in the picture!  Ballet is just as much music as it is dance, and most of the first act I was accompanied by crackling paper and loud chewing.  People do actually need a break from their daily work lives, and quiet cars on trains are designated just for that reason – quiet!  We don’t need someones bad day splayed out for the whole world to hear.

In instances like these, I would like to see the “what goes around comes around” notion prevail, but that is wishful thinking.   Rude behavior will always exist, and it is futile to think otherwise.  We have zero control over how people choose or not choose to behave.  You can lay the groundwork for your children, but as for strangers – good luck.  I remind myself that rude behaviors exhibited by others are not about me, but about those who see themselves as special or entitled in some way, with a possible underlying reason being a narcissistic outlook about how the world should work for them.   It is not in their wheel house to understand that honoring another person’s  experience collectively is good for everyone and not just for the individual.

What I try to do when I find myself in these situations is to approach them with kindness for me.  Seething with inner anger, or being rude back, is unhealthy for anyone and it ultimately ruins your experience and for others who are with you.  It is hard when the rude behavior is in public because you have no chance of escape (sitting in a theater or on a train),  but don’t let it ruin your day.  While at the ballet, I chose to focus on my daughter dancing, and I was able to tune out the person behind me having his last meal.  To sit and fume is not the way to go.  I am not sure there are any permanent solutions to these issues, but I think acceptance that these circumstances can happen lessen your chances of being upset when they do.

As for me – those annoying behaviors are not my takeaways and I refuse to have them be so.  I will forever remember my daughter dancing, whirling and twirling as if on air, and I will forever view those waterfalls at Yosemite as nothing short of magical.  And remember – you can ruin someone else’s experience but being angry and lashing out.  We are all in this together.