What Happened to You?

Piggy backing on my Common Courtesy blog post regarding rude people, I had described my frustration at those who just do what they want, ignoring signage, requests from people, and other social clues which indicate how policies and rules set forward are for the ultimate benefit of everyone.  I heard someone outline a bad behavior situation the other day involving a flight attendant who told those on a full flight to not put their jacket in the overhead compartment, and watched while someone stood up and did just that – took up overhead space for a jacket.  Rude. That would have angered me as the damn jacket takes up room, so my take would have been “what is wrong with this person”?  Surprisingly though, their take on it was more of “what happened to this person” in their life that they truly cannot follow common courtesy rules?  Viewing a situation in such as way as this is a benevolent way to go and applying empathy towards the person in question helps to calm that anger that starts to well up.  This is the place I would like to operate from as anger just chews me up.

People are carrying a lot of damaging baggage, specifically from childhood, and as I read my last post, I did not make that connection  – I just viewed bad behavior as selfish, rather than a result of some form of childhood trauma.   This revelation made me look at my behaviors that do not serve me and the issues I have with myself that directly correlate to my youth which explains quite a bit about who I am.  For starters, I am the baby of seven children, and what I bring to the table from my birth order is some insecurity and a lot of FOMO.  Coming from a big family – it took work to be noticed accompanied with the constant fear of being left out.  Additionally, the need to prove myself is very strong.

Granted, my issues don’t come close to being that terrible,  but something to think about when my ingrained behavioral patterns rear their ugly heads.  Most dysfunctional behaviors exhibited in people stem from childhood, so delving into this topic of childhood trauma, I came across the ACES test .

ACES is an acronym which stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences.  This is a test that was published by the CDC (Center for Disease Control), which ascertains the level of childhood trauma one has had.   The CDC has identified childhood trauma as a public health issue that is at an all time high.  The test is based on three parts; abuse, neglect and household dysfunction.  Individual ACE scores are not to be used as a crutch for supporting bad behaviors – rather a window into childhood traumas that could possibly explain why people act the way they do and also a way to work on those behaviors that do not serve you. Repeating negative behaviors over and over again creates a damaging environment to exist in, especially for the loved ones in your life.

The CDC’s Adverse Childhood Experiences Study reveals that in addition to affecting adult behaviors, there is also a direct link between childhood trauma and the chronic diseases people develop as adults, as well as social and emotional problems.  Bingo!  Solutions are available, but they need to be implemented. For young children, the most effective treatment is to reduce young children’s exposure to adverse conditions, such as abuse, neglect, and violence.  For adults who have a high aces score, or even a low score but show some trauma, the most important thing to do is to recognize it and learn from it.  Do not let adverse childhood experiences control your behavior in the now.

This mindset of “what happened to you” is one I will strive for the next time I get irked, angry or upset when witnessing a situation that clearly crosses the line into bad behavior.  It will be much healthier for me and gives one power over the childish behaviors that we humans can exhibit from time to time. Maybe if more of us were cognizant of any type of childhood trauma that might have happened to those we interact with, we can help to spread awareness and ultimately, be more kind.