There are so many virtues to describe the gentler side of human beings – kind, caring, benevolent, and loving come to mind. Thoughtful could be added to this list, but I want to single this particular adjective out as in my mind it is the rarest of virtues to come across in life – a truly thoughtful person is a beautiful surprise to discover. Being thoughtful connotes thinking of and being aware of another person on a much higher level than most of us are capable of. It takes deep development and time to become thoughtful, and it is the ultimate level of consciousness when it comes to interacting and loving others. Being thoughtful is the one quality that I strive to possess. When I hear of someone described as “thoughtful” my ears perk up as this description is one of the highest distinctions one human being can give to the other.
Thoughtful people are those who pay attention to the people around them, reflect on the situation, and then choose to react and act purposefully and lovingly. It takes a bit more consideration and time than just being nice.
What sets thoughtful apart from kind, caring, and all those other adjectives? Kindness – treating everyone as you would treat yourself, caring – displaying concern for others, loving – showing love or great care, don’t hold a candle to the finesse and warm embrace that the word “thoughtful” embodies – showing careful consideration or attention. Careful consideration or attention suggests a certain amount of care that takes cultivation and preparedness before action.
Thoughtfulness takes time. It’s not that knee jerk reaction when you hear about a particular situation and go online and donate money, or the other avenues that we humans take to help one another. I am not admonishing these benevolent actions, as they are necessary for a purposeful life, but being thoughtful takes practice. It involves thinking profoundly and pondering someone else’s situation, genuinely trying to understand their position. But do you deliberately pursue being thoughtful? Do you know what a thoughtful person is and how you can be more thoughtful in your daily life?
A good listener is thoughtful. Genuinely listening to someone as they relate a situation they are in, or a problem they are facing, trains you to digest the whole story and put your feelings into it. In this way – when you do something thoughtful, you have truly listened to and reacted to another person’s story. A few weeks ago at work, I was worried about the shipping expense of sending trophies from tournament wins to local residents, as I work or a private club. I communicated this to my co-worker. She was obviously listening as a few hours later, she called me and volunteered to drop off some of the trophies on her way home from work as a way to save the expense of shipping. Her action showed thoughtfulness – she listened to me, put herself in my shoes, and truly wanted me not to worry about the problem anymore. I feel so very grateful that someone took the time to listen and assist. I didn’t get a “that sucks” comment from her, or a “I hear you” – she just thought about it and solved my problem for me. Thoughtfulness does not have to be a grand gesture, but merely one that reveals someone’s ability to empathize.
You can be thoughtful for the future without having the benefactors of your thoughtfulness even being aware of it. My father was very thoughtful. It showed up in many ways throughout his life, but never more so than his labeling of things. Wait – labeling things is thoughtful? It sure was. Upon his death, as we went through the house and all my parents belongings, there never was a question of “where did Dad get this?” Everything and I mean everything, was labeled. Pick up a small statue that’s sitting on the nightstand, and underneath it is the date and where it was purchased. Trust me – he did not do this for him. He did this for his children so we would always know where his belongings came from – making it easy for us to sort through items upon his death. His thoughtfulness will transcend time.
To be a thoughtful person, you need to give yourself time and space to think. It is important to take a step back and take in your surroundings to really see what it is that the people around you need. Given the times we live in, with access to everything at our fingertips and long lists of things to do inside our head, it becomes extremely difficult to be thoughtful when moving at the speed of light. Thoughtfulness requires mindfulness – time and space to think and reflect. Please remember to slow down, and it will come to you.
A thoughtful person listens and learns from what they listen to. They act on the things they learn so they can provide support in the right way. My husband is very thoughtful – listening to me always and working very hard to understand what it is that I need. I had a rough day at work yesterday, and when I drove up in the driveway, he was sitting outside, cheese and crackers ready, my favorite wine poured in a glass, and a chair just waiting for me to curl up into and relax. I needed nothing else, and by putting himself in my shoes, he premiered his thoughtfulness in stellar fashion.
Truly listening to someone enables you to dig deeper, which allows you to ask the right questions. Sometimes the questions you ask add to thoughtfulness – showing that you are listening and want to understand the situation. You don’t have to agree with someone to understand them, and this understanding creates a bridge of connection. Lack of understanding can make the other feel like you are judging them.
Being thoughtful is not a one-time occurrence – especially if someone is hurting. Remember to circle back – it builds security in your relationship that you heard what the person was saying and also that it is important to you to keep following up. This action of circling back is extremely thoughtful. People will grow an appreciation for you, and most importantly, the rewards you reap for yourself will benefit your mental health and well being more than you can know. Being thoughtful means, it’s time to get out of your head and start thinking about others.
“When perception, thoughtfulness and understanding do meet, we can fashion a range of viable expectations and craft a world of togetherness.
Erik Pevernagie “The Morning After”
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