FOMO

Hello there! I’ve taken a few months off from blogging – not sure why but I just got bogged down in life, primarily due to coming off of the Pandemic. I had two glorious years of not much going on, as life was more or less in lockdown, but in 2022, I hit the ground running. So here I sit, busier than ever, and I am working through FOMO, big time.

FOMO, the “Fear of Missing Out,” is defined as the feeling or perception that others are having more fun, living better lives, or experiencing better things than you are. This state of mind is alive and well in 2022 and is the cause of significant stress for many people. Once life began to open up after the Pandemic, I reluctantly left the comfort of my home to fill my calendar with activities after work and on weekends. Hence – the FOMO crept in. What if I said no to offers of living my best life? After all, I am so crucial to everyone’s happiness I can’t possibly miss out (note the sarcasm).

After perseverating on the concept of FOMO, I concluded that FOMO is not absolute, and is a state of mind that reflects insecurity and powerlessness. It is another disorder that robs you of today. Worrying or feeling so envious that you are not in a place where everyone is “having the time of their lives” is devastating to the psyche. On top of feeling like you are missing out, social media allows you to see the great time everyone is having, adding more torture to the table.

I speak from experience, as this year, for the first time in eight years, I did not ride RAGBRAI (The Des Moines Registers Great Annual Bike Ride Across Iowa). My husband and I make the annual trek across Iowa every year with a team of 20, and we ride our bikes across Iowa, west to east, as a part of a collective group of 10,000 humans, give or take. The experience of RAGBRAI keeps improving, with memories piling on each other. How could I not go and miss these opportunities even though my reason was legitimate? My pregnant daughter came home for the week to hang with me and attend a baby shower thrown in her honor – there was no choice involved, just dreaded FOMO.  

Canceling RAGBRAI was the best decision I made in a long time. I focused on gratitude for having the opportunity to spend time with my daughter, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I felt empowered by simply doing what I wanted without that dreaded feeling of missing out. I did not miss out on anything and would have missed out on special family time if I had gone. Keep in mind how perilously close people can come to missing out on their own lives due to FOMO.

A myriad of reasons causes the decision-making of what to do and what not to do. It could be as simple as having a cold or not feeling well. Sometimes we are double booked and need to choose one event over another, and sometimes life gets in the way, and attending the said function is not an option. No matter the reason, make the decision and merely see what happens, what evolves out of honoring yourself, your inner voice, and intuition that guides you in one direction or another. You have no idea what will happen. Missed a great party because you were sick? Who knows – maybe you will stumble across the best movie you have ever seen, or you will get a call from a long-lost friend. Plus, going somewhere just for FOMO is no reason to go at all.

Let’s face it – do you want to be out with someone who is only there for fear of missing out? Here’s a scary thought – what if everyone is gathered together for the same reason? What’s the fun in that? That sounds like a cluster of insecurity, endless photo opportunities, and going on Social Media to say – look at me!! You cannot predict how you will feel if you go somewhere due to FOMO, but know this – FOMO is this scary monster that robs you of the NOW, literally tying your hands to enjoying your day, your time, your life as it unfolds.

I know this sounds a bit extreme, but I’ve been there. I have been paralyzed by the “should I go or shouldn’t I” dilemma, and I don’t want to be there anymore. Don’t let your sense of “normal” becomes skewed to where you seem to be doing worse than your peers. People are comparing their best, picture-perfect experiences, which may lead you to wonder what you lack. Knock it off. Own your choices, don’t second guess and make the right decision for you at the time. Take care of yourself!

I did not miss RAGBRAI one bit. I thought it would be torture, but I was thrilled to be doing something unexpected, and spending time with my daughter is invaluable. I tried to cherish every moment and was happy for my teammates when they posted photos. There will be another year to ride. Take that to the bank – There will be another time for you when it works. I stumbled across this quote on Goodreads, and it’s one we should all use. Delete FOMO from your life and incorporate JOMO.

 JOMO is choosing to ignore the Joneses (NOT just NOT keep up).