I am a huge New Year’s resolution gal and generally stick to them. This blog, for example, is a resolution I had a few years back, and with a bit of perseverance, I am still posting. Upon reflection, some of my resolutions become laborious as the year goes on, but sticking to them evolves into a habit that weaves into the fabric of my life. However, the base layer of what is me needs a resolution that is not task-oriented but involves a shift in mindset, with the hope of integrating the mindset into a large part of who I will become. Life is merely the blink of an eye; any emotional chains that weigh you down inhibit your ability to live genuinely. Moving forward from the constricts we put on ourselves allows us to feel a release of pressure. The steam from this emotional pressure cooker escapes, leaving room for a life full of happiness, free from worry and anxious thoughts.
At my core, I carry a fair amount of fear and can be crippled by the lack of uncertainty life brings. This does not mean I lack confidence or the ability to motivate myself. Instead, I do all these things with fear and uncertainty tucked in my back pocket. It could be a better place to be in my life, so my resolution for 2023 is to work on kicking out these house guests altogether. Fear and uncertainty show up as stress, making me second-guess my decisions and comparing myself to others. I accommodate other people rather than myself, ensuring they are comfortable and get what they need, at the expense of living my truth. Don’t rock the boat and try to smooth out whatever anyone is feeling, and then I can feel good about myself. I am working actively on changing these characteristics buried within me, and the strategies below are helping me get into new head space.
LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR BODY IS TELLING YOU
The strongest people ask for help or seek it within themselves. Acknowledging where you are getting tripped up in your life shows that you want to improve. The fear and uncertainty I experience are telling me something. Reflecting on where these intense emotions come from is the first step toward healing. Facing these issues head-on helps you to deal with them. For me, constantly reacting to an event or situation I feel I have to control is detrimental to my mental health. Facing them brings everything out in the open. As I worked through this process, I realized that fear and uncertainty were rearing their ugly heads and screaming at me – “we are here because you have to stop living a fear-based life.” It is like shoving my face right into the problem. I assign emojis for these feelings, gather them in my head, and throw them out the window. It is a great metaphor that works for me.
CHOOSE TO NOT GO THERE
Negative feelings and fear might never honestly go away, but you can choose not to go there. Recognizing and acknowledging these emotions does give them credibility but know you can shut that door in your mind space. Going there and giving these negative feelings credit is a downward spiral of second-guessing and doubt, allowing fear to thrive where it wants to be. The human psyche has a dark side that can attack your well-being. Just don’t do it. Pushing thoughts aside is difficult, but it gets easier once you get the knack for it.
HAVE A MANTRA
Not going there takes a lot of work. I recently received a journal from a dear friend titled “It Will All Be Okay.” Just reading those five words gives me peace. I find myself saying that when I am feeling overwhelmed. It’s a clear sign that you will be okay when looking for solutions, so be kind to yourself. Working on anxiety, stress, and fear takes a tremendous amount of energy, so give yourself space to do the work you need to do to find peace. Repeating, “It’s all going to be okay,” helps. A positive mantra always helps. A mantra is a great crutch to lean on so you don’t “go there.”
IT’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM
Trying to control how others feel is a form of hell no one wishes to be in. This act of wanting someone to feel a certain way about you or a situation you find yourself in is not the balm that will soothe your insecurity. It’s a maze with no way out. When you enter it, the more concerning thing about this situation is that it robs you of the now. All this is just nonsense. Just take care of yourself – that is all you need to do. If you need something, ask for it. Be okay with the answer, but ask for it anyway.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Years ago, I went to a psychiatrist to get a handle on certain things in my life, and I proceeded to sit in his office and cry for an hour. At the end of the session, I denied that I was fearful repeatedly, and he just looked at me and said – you’ve been crying for one hour – you need to work on this. I was in denial as I felt it made me weak. The doctor also told me that in a few years, I would hardly remember feeling as I do now. That statement gave me hope, and you know – he was right. I cannot conjure up that dark place as I did the work to get me here now. If it doesn’t serve you, try your damndest to lose it.
“If you live your life by fear, you will never fully know freedom or breakthrough
J.D. Fisher
Life Experiences Add Up 