We are all Connected

I hear this a lot – do you?  At the end of every yoga class, we are told to chant a few “Ohms” to remind us that we are all connected.  What does this mean?  Connected as in the “seven degrees of separation” rule?  Connected as in sharing the same physical space?  Connected as in sharing each others thoughts?  I don’t feel connected to people and if anything, I feel slightly removed.  Of course, there are my friends and family with whom I do have a deep connection, but my co-workers, acquaintances, the barista at Starbucks, celebrities, the Pope?  Hardly.  My life is a far cry from most of the people that I read about or interact with every day, so what does this “connectiveness” really mean?

I had an “ah ha” moment about this concept while listening to Alec Baldwin’s “Here the Thing” podcast. Alec interviews celebrities, artists, policymakers and the like.  As I listened, I heard famous people talk about how nervous they felt before a job interview, how shitty they felt after a fight with someone, the desire of wanting more, and feelings of inferiority and anger. Occasionally while listening, I would find my self shaking my head a bit and saying, yeah, I get that.  Or laugh out loud as someone talked feelings of embarrassment in a situation that I too had found myself in.  After hours of listening, I came to realize that there just might be something to this “we are all connected” comment.

And then it hit me – the common thread that binds us all is experience, the connective tissue that holds us together.  At some point during our lives, we all experience the same thing – heartache, love, happiness, pain, hunger, sadness, weakness, insecurity, and pride. No matter your economic background, cultural background or age – we all share the same feelings. We cry at movies, get touched by looking at a beautiful sunset and feel anger. The “I’m feeling you” or “I get where you’re coming from” is our acknowledgement that we have been there.

So why do we need the reminder that “we are all connected”?  Why end a Yoga class with that mantra?  We end with that so we can remember to be compassionate and loving by understanding the emotional experiences of another person.  At any given moment, all of us are experiencing an emotion that makes us all relative to one another.

According to the Big Bang theory on the beginning of the universe, everything (matter, time – everything) was concentrated in one point. Like in a fingertip.  Then it began to expand from this singularity, and the expansion is still going on. This means, at one point, everything was one.

benpiper

Too Much Stuff

Remember the Berenstain Bear books “Too Much TV”, “Too Much Junk Food, ” Too Much Birthday, and “Too Much Teasing”?  There should be one book geared for adults called “Too Much Stuff”.  When you get to be my age, the amount of stuff we assemble during the course of our lives just keeps piling on until we get quite bogged down by the weight of it all. It can be overwhelming just to think about it.

Why do we have all this stuff?  You start your adult life with very little and slowly build a home, a family and accumulating things along the way.   People my age have a good 30 years of shopping under our belt which leaves us with all this reside; garages with “must have” tools and workout gear, basements filled with holiday decorations, storage bins, and kids toys; homes filled with sets of dishes, wine glasses, tablecloths, napkins, paper goods; closets filled with clothes, shoes and coats; and sheds stuffed with outdoor gadgets, yard tools, household cleaners, and cans of paint.

At some point, this lifestyle of buying takes a trajectory of its own and we stop purchasing things we need and move on to getting things we want. We have a little bit more money to spend and we think we need it all.  And then it hits you – you have become a slave to all your possessions. There is more to clean, more to maintain, more to organize, more stuff to move from this pile to that pile and to this storage container.  There will be more stuff for your children to deal with after you go – trust me, I’ve done the legwork.  After my parents died, cleaning out the family homestead was a revelation. There was plenty that we divided among my six siblings, but there was also plenty that we gave away or simply took to the city landfill and tossed.

Why is it that our parents had just a many possessions as we do?  I think a lot of it has to do with formality and pomp and circumstance that once was in society.  My parents had fine china, silver sets, coffee service sets, tablecloths, and real napkins, all to use in their formal living rooms and large dining rooms for entertaining. These items identified adulthood.  I was raised in their world, so when I got married, I registered for fine china and crystal wine glasses and all the good fancy stuff that I felt was necessary to start a family.

The real issue now becomes that for those of us who have children, millennials don’t want any of what we want to unload on them.  They don’t want cardboard boxes full of photographs, silver candlestick holders or all the beanie babies and other collectibles they had as kids. They are not interested in the lifestyle trappings they were so lovingly raised with.

How to get out from under?  There is time and there is a way. There are many organizations who will take your stuff – Goodwill, American Veterans, international organizations, and recycling centers.  As we are about to enter a New Year, make it a goal to purge away. Living minimal can give you freedom to pursue what you want to do, and relieve the chokehold our possessions have on us.  I close with a few tips to help you get started:

  1. Ease yourself into it and give yourself a deadline.  I prefer the one year rule. Box up all the various items you think you can live without and tuck them away in your basement or garage.  If after a year, you are not missing them – toss ’em.
  2. Turn the hangers backwards in your closet.  Every time you wear an item, face the hanger forward.  If at the end of the year you have hangars still turn backwards – toss the item.  Goodwill or American Veterans will gladly take your discards.
  3. CD’s and DVD’s – you don’t need these anymore. All the music and movies you want are on the internet now or can be stored on a hard drive. So – rip them and take to the recycling center.  Yes- they will take them.
  4. Go through all your photo albums and toss those photos that don’t matter – I mean, how many pictures of a hotel do you need?  Take those photos that mean something and put in a small photo box.
  5. Do you want to find a home for many of your items?  Try “The Freecycle Network”.  This is a grassroots and entirely nonprofit movement of people who are giving (and getting) stuff for free in their own towns. It’s all about reuse and keeping good stuff out of landfills.
  6. The internet is your friend in this.  Educate yourself on how to unclutter, simplify and downsize.  There are hundreds of helpful hints just a click away.

Remember – if you make this a goal and purposeful, take your time. There will be a sense of satisfaction when you are out from under and you will find there is more joy in pursuing less than can be found in pursuing more.

too much stuff

 

 

You Can Have a Great Life Anywhere

Being in the mid-50’s age demographic, I feel a bit bombarded with questions about impending retirement and on being empty-nesters, especially questions surrounding geography – where are we going, what are we doing and most importantly where do we want to live?  This is the time when people take a long look at where they currently reside and see if it fits the bill for their lifestyle – is where I’m currently living where I want to grow old and gray?   If left to the media, I would have to answer no to that question.  I mean, how many more images do I have to see of happy older adults all smiles as they hold hands walking up a beach, having coffee on the deck of their home overlooking the ocean, or gazing at a panoramic view on top of a mountain.  What if you have quite a number of years in your current home which does not encompass the  “fantastic” perception – ocean front home, miles of beaches, mountains to climb – you get the picture.

Do we need to have scenery to be happy?  Is this a backdrop that is a requirement for happiness as we age?  Does scenery love you back?  These are important questions I ask myself.  I am not in love with Northern Illinois where I currently live but I am one of those not in a position to move.  I don’t want to spend my time here wishing I was elsewhere.  I am happily employed here as is my husband, and two of our children live here.  I have a terrific support group and friendships that go back 30 years. Having all this history in an area is what makes it feel like home.  All this leaves me with nothing else to do except delve into what my neck of the woods has to offer, get out there and take advantage of it.

You can have a good life anywhere.  For example, are you envying those commercials where hikers ascent to the top of a mountain, put their arms around each other and gaze at the majestic view in front of them?  You can have that right where you are – not necessarily the scenery but definitely the hiking.  I found this great app and website called Every Trail so that no matter where you are, you can find a trail in your area.  I was surprised to find out that there are 182 miles of trails where I live in Northern Lake County, Illinois – right at my fingertips.  Check out your community website and you will find all sorts of outdoor and indoor clubs; as well as social events, dining and entertainment.

If it is not in the cards for you to relocate to where you think you could be happy, you need to give that up.  If you are not happy where you are now, you won’t be happy anywhere. Get out and enjoy where you currently live, stop fighting it and embrace it.  If your current situation is handing you lemons, then make lemonade – it’s that simple.

What are some tools to stay focused on your present life?

  1. Live in the moment; in the present.
  2. Do what makes you happy – you will wake up and be 10 years older in a heartbeat
  3. Fully embrace the now – acceptance is key
  4. Be active in your life instead of watching it pass you by
  5. Budget for travel – it expands your horizons and really does make you appreciate home
  6. Make the most of every day
  7. Stop longing for what you don’t have and make the most of what you do

I’m not saying you shouldn’t plan for the future, but the only guarantee in life is that is happens now.