It’s Okay to be Content

A few months ago, I found myself realizing that things are not as exciting as they used to be.   What was the deal? Was it age, hormones, or simply the times we live in?  It seems like I measured my life by milestones – college, marriage, children, and career. Milestones for me were the good stuff – the excitement adrenalin rush that projected me into intense and busy living. Then I hit my late 40’s and I felt like things came to a screeching halt. Milestones achieved, now what?  Wait for retirement?  As Patricia Arquette so eloquently stated in the absolute fantastic movie “Boyhood”, as she was sending her youngest off to college (I’m paraphrasing here)…”What’s the next milestone for me – my funeral?   I guess I thought there was more than this.”  For me at this age now, as so many of my milestones are completed, I get where she is coming from.

As I sat in the midst of this uncomfortable feeling, along came an email from an angel.  Actually, it was from a friend, but it was manna from heaven. My friend, who does accuse me of having a brain on overload, thought of me when he read an article in The Atlantic by Jonathan Rauch. The article “The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis” addresses the real issues behind what I think is plaguing me, the “U Curve”.   I absorbed every word and I felt a huge wave of relief sink all over me.

What is the U curve?  The U curve basically states that life satisfaction decreases for the first couple of decades of adulthood, hitting the bottom in the late 40’s or early 50’s and then, increases with age.  Older adulthood appears to be a period of pleasant surprise.  Yes, those milestones in life might be declining, but now is the time for the good stuff – the contentment and the gratitude for living thus far.

I recognized that feeling of contenment, and it just came as a wave over me during this past holiday season.  I am fortunate enough to have 5 weeks of vacation and I always get time off between Christmas and New Year’s.  I generally am on autopilot and fill my time off with numerous chores – working out, cleaning, cooking, shopping, organizing my closet, cleaning the garage, throwing away clutter – I am usually a tornado of activity.  This past holiday break, however, I was not interested in all that because I just felt like I did not have to prove myself to anyone anymore, not even me.  I have earned it.  I hung out with my husband, read a few books, watched a couple of movies, and enjoyed myself – whodathunk?  It was as if I was looking at my life from above and realizing how lucky I am.   As one of my daughter’s friends told me, “Mrs. Martin – I want to be your age.  You are the one I envy.  You raised three beautiful daughters, have a happy marriage, have a great job and a great home, and you are still here to enjoy all the spoils of what you have worked so hard for.  I am still out there trying to find my way and proving myself.”

Happiness Curve
I seem to have entered a phase where it is not about the getting there, but being grateful and content for where I am now.  I was hung up on milestones, as opposed to enjoying the fruits of my labor and the wisdom that comes with it.  If you’re like me, and you find that your life has become more about pursuing peace and relaxation than giddy excitement, rest assured that you aren’t missing out on happiness. Your happiness has evolved, just as you have. Even though our version seems less fun by the standards of our younger selves, that doesn’t mean it’s less good.

 

 

To quote the late Donald Ritchie:

“Midlife crisis begins sometime in your 40s, when you look at your life and think, Is this all? And it ends about 10 years later, when you look at your life again and think, Actually, this is pretty good.”

 

In my 50s, his comment hit the nail on the head. Gratitude has returned. I guess for me, the realization that I am in this place is in effect, a milestone.  And judging by the “U Curve”, it’s only going to get better!

50’s Hipster

According to the Urban Dictionary:

Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20’s and 30’s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.

A Chef I work with, knowing how much I love Howard Stern’s celebrity interviews, commented on Howard Sterns hair and said the dreaded “Isn’t he too old for that hair?”  I immediately thought – people are still saying that at our age?  I lived most of my life by that code – you should not wear this at this age, this is not appropriate for this age, people your age do not behave that way, and so on.  Just google …..can I wear leggings at 50?  Is 50 too old for shorter skirts? The list goes on and on.

I am tired of this box that a certain age puts us all in.  I would think that at 50, we have reached the age where we can wear what we want and be exactly who we want to be.  I feel empowered at my age – I have earned it.  No one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do because of my age demographic.  Worrying about what you should or should not be doing robs you of where you are now. It is such a narrow corridor to navigate your life.

Hence the “Hipsters” reference.  I like Hipsters.  If I was in my 20’s I would be a Hipster.  In reading the definition, I have come to realize we fifty year-olds could fit in this category and that some of us do.  Why reserve what I consider an exciting and vibrant list of qualities for only 20-year-olds?

Hipster “Criteria”:

Value Independent Thinking
Don’t we all value independent thinking?  I think that is definitely a criteria of my age group – we have moved from worrying what anybody thinks about us and have learned how to say no and do what we want.  That is about as independent as you can get.

Counter-Culture
Isn’t being a 50’s hipster “counter-culture” for you?  Enough said.

Progressive Politics
A person who is progressive is one who favors political progress or reform. The very young baby boomers (that would be me)   greatly favor political reform – we have lived with the same political system for 50 years and have seen very little change – we are all fed up. What this country has been doing is not working, and remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Thus the trap we know we are all in and therefore we all feel the need for change.  How much more progressive can you get?

An appreciation of art and indie-rock
I mean, come on, my daughter is a ballerina – how more artsy can you get than that?  Plus, my favorite playmix is Indie Rock. Should Indie music be reserved for the “oh so young”? I think not.  We too can and do enjoy Arctic Monkeys, Arcade Fire, Death Cab for Cutie, The Shins, The Killers, and my personal favorite, The Black Keys.

Creativity, Intelligence and Witty Banter
Consider the poets: 42% of Robert Frost’s poems were written after the age of 50. For Wallace Stevens, it was 49%. For William Carlos Williams, it was 44%.  The sculptor Louis Bourgeious said that “I am a long-distance runner. It takes me years and years and years to produce what I do”—and she did her best work in her 80s.

I think that us “fifty-somethings” need a better reference point than “I’m too old for this” and defining questions such as “Where will you retire?”   Interestingly enough, when you remove the physical attributes of hipsters (beards, beanies, tattoos, piercing, weird glasses), we can slide into many of the mental mindset spaces that Hipsters fill.

Granted, hipsters are hipsters – they fall into that genre because they are all that way.  Fifty-somethings run the gambit but wouldn’t it be awesome if we were all “hip” by emboding the attributes above that will help keep us young and vibrant?  In this day and age, you can google anything, so for lessons on how to reinvigorate yourself, go to wikihow to learn:

“How To Be a Hipster”

One last thing – Hipster’s love vintage clothes, so we must have had fashion right in the 70’s.

HIpster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just Get me Through the Hot Chocolate 15K

I grew up running, in a family of runners.  I ran track and cross-country all the way through college and on into my 30’s and very early 40’s.  Up until my late 30’s, I always felt great.  I rarely got tired and if ultra marathons were around back then, I probably would have done them.  I am built for distance.  I never really felt good until I hit 5 miles or so, and then, watch out – I could keep going and going.  Since running came so easy for me, I never really took care of myself while doing it.  My diet – terrible.  Stretching before I ran – not necessary.  Supplementing running with strength training – that’s for sissy’s.  I would roll out of bed in the morning and run.

It was right around my late thirties that I began to have back pain, something I attributed to a lingering injury from being struck by a car in my early twenties.  The pain started out as intermittent, but it became obvious to me that it was a direct result of running – the days I ran, I experienced pain.   In addition to this lingering problem, I began to start feeling like running was turning into a job. Between training for the Chicago marathon and running with a running club, I was beginning to feel a sense of obligation, and not an enjoyable one at that.  My daughter, Katie, who was a young ballerina at the time, encouraged me to go to Pilates with her as a way to help with my back pain.  I was in – I mean, how hard would it be?  I was in great shape (or so I thought).  I crawled out of that first Pilates class realizing just how weak and deprived my muscles really were.  By doing nothing but running over the years, my muscle groups were not in balance at all.  Back extensions are a huge part of Pilates, and when I tried them for the first time, I had absolutely zero strength in my back to even lift my chest up off the floor for any length of time. And stomach muscle strength?  Forget it.  This was a life changing experience for me. I walked out of that first Pilates class and made the personal choice to abandon running for a while to help my body become stronger, never looking back (until now, albeit temporary.)

pilates2According to Pilates creator Joseph Pilates, you are only as old as your spine.   In order to keep your spine flexible, you must be able to move with control in all of the directions the spine is meant to move. Learning to do this safely and with the support of the muscles of the core is what Pilates is all about. Think of a tree – does it have all its strength in its limbs? No. The tree is only as strong as its trunk and roots. Without a strong trunk, the tree would topple over.  It’s the same for human bodies.  If we don’t concentrate on building a good foundation and a strong trunk or core, we’ll end up tight in some places and weak in others, injury-prone and susceptible to the pitfalls of our occupation or chosen form of exercise.  As I continued with Pilates, I felt better and better.

Along came another form of exercise for me – Yoga!  As much as I loved Pilates, I missed the feeling I felt after running –  a big release of emotional energy which enabled me to focus and to remain calm and centered.  The more I read about Yoga, the more I realized that this might be a good addition to my Pilates routine and the philosophy behind Yoga might just give me that endorphin “boost” I was missing.  I took my first class, and was hooked.  For starters, it was challenging.  The calm I felt after the class was noticeable, so much so that my husband nowadays, when he sees me tense – encourages me to go to a Yoga class. There is no other form of exerYogacise I can think of that I have to focus on as much as I do in yoga and it is the focusing that enables me to empty my mind completely and live in the NOW.  Several yoga practices assist with this.  Setting an “intention” at the beginning of the class is a necessary part of the process.  Because yoga is a mind-body practice, a moving meditation, it involves an aspect of spiritual awakening and self-understanding that goes beyond the physical activity of cardio workouts. Setting an intention brings my yoga practice to a deeper level.  I try to focus on reflection, gratitude and forgiveness.  The coup de gras of Yoga is at the very end, when the class ends in what is considered the most important pose of Yoga – Shavasana.  Coming from the Sanskrit word meaning “corpse”,  Shavasana is a chance for the body to reset and regroup.   Shavasana involves laying in stillness and meditating.  After Shavasana,  the instructor wishes everyone peace, in the words of  “Namaste” (bowing to you), and then we clap for one another.  It makes me emotional every time I end a Yoga class.  Talk about a soul fulfilling practice!

I have been a cyclist off and off over the past twenty years and I picked it up a few years ago when we decided to ride RAGBRAI (The Register’s Great Bicycle Race Across Iowa), roughly 450 miles approximately.  I had not biked since I stopped running and started doing Pilates and Yoga, and when I did finally start cycling, I felt fantastic.  I rarely got tired, rarely got sore and I found myself thinking that no one should feel this good at my age.  I have to attribute it to Pilates and Yoga and it made me think how much better of a runner I could have been had I been on this weekly regiment of core type fitness.

So – this leads me to my blog title – get me through the Hot Chocolate!  I like to have a challenge every year, and last summer I did a very small Sprint triathlon, and this summer, RAGBRAI. So, along comes the hot chocolate which everyone I know in Chicago says is a must do – the bling is great, it’s a crowded enthusiastic event, and it’s November along Lake Michigan – how great is that?  Ah….not so much. Training for a 5K like I did for the sprint last summer is much different from a 15K.  I’m running three times a week, and running longer distances.  Fun you might ask?  NO.  Aches and pains and accompany me along my way.  I don’t feel like I used to.  My hips are sore and my feet hurt. In reading about running for older adults, it is still encouraged but there are numerous stipulations on the sport.  As we grow older our muscle fibers shrink in number and in size and become less sensitive to nerve impulses. This can lead to a decrease in cardiovascular endurance, strength, balance and coordination.  A few of the ways to remedy that – build more strength and improve your balance.

Pilates + Yoga – the perfect combination!  I probably will not be picking up my running shoes much after next weekend, but I won’t be sad about it.  I will still be “fine tuning” my body with things that are good for me.