Life Experiences Add Up

Nostaglia

You know you have officially reached a certain age when you hear yourself saying “I remember when”. I heard my parents say that very thing and I would groan beneath my breath, thinking they were so old-fashioned. I realize now that my parents were not criticizing present times, but reflecting back to a time that made sense to them, a time that brought peace to their present. Reflecting on my past is a comfort zone for me, a place where I can go to and feel a good vibe. Here are a few things (both concrete and not) I think of when I go to my “I remember when” place.

Anticipation
I miss the anticipation of things. Life was not instantaneous in the 70’s and early 80’s; there were no cell phones, search engines, 24-hours of TV, Skype and social media. You had to wait for information via the daily paper, a mailed letter, or a phone call (if your line wasn’t busy.) I anticipated the first day of school as I had no idea what most of my classmates were doing over the summer – I had no Facebook or social media to receive constant update statuses. If a good friend went to the beach for the summer, you had to wait until school started to relive the entire trip. I was giddy with excitement over the impending Christmas season – store displays and commercials did not appear until after Thanksgiving – it would have been sacrilegious to do so. I had a fever over watching “Charlie Brown Christmas” and other holiday specials – there was no DVR or DVD to view the show year round, no “24-hours of a Christmas Story”. I was desperate for summer vacation – it didn’t mean camp, day camp, lessons, non-stop activities – it meant 3 whole months of nothing to do besides ride your bike to the pool, have water fights in the yard, play hide and seek and kick the can with the neighborhood – basically be outside all day until your Mom “called you” to come in. Anticipation was so good because it kept my happy feelings longer than now.

The Acquisition of MusicI grew up loving music and I still do. However, music ownership is no longer precious to me as it once was. Between Sirius XM, Pandora and Rhapsody, I can select pretty much any song I want and play it, play the album, play the genre or buy it – immediately. I have turned into a “buy one song girl” instead of purchasing an entire body of work by one artist – the bad songs along with the good. I remember when my favorite group released an album – I would run to the record store to buy it and have a long luxurious afternoon ahead of me to listen to every track on the album, drinking in the artwork on both the front and back cover, not to mention learning all the lyrics for every song because they were written down on the inside jacket. You had to actually own the record for this to happen – no Google images of album covers, no other way to obtain the experience. I enjoyed that process so much more than the instant gratification available to me today.

Streaking
Okay, streaking might be a weird thing to miss. I actually never went streaking, but I miss the innocence of it. All we had for excitement in the 70’s was someone streaking on National Television? That was the most scandalous thing to do? There were no wardrobe malfunctions, stars wearing body tape so their frocks can adhere to their bosom’s, or thong bikini’s. There was just some harmless trot in front of a public audience. Two famous instances of streaking and seriously, check them out:

Robert Opal, streaking at the 1974 academy awards
Streaking on the Johnny Carson show?

Going Barefoot
Going barefoot was such a trend that the “No shirt, no shoes, no service” signs began popping up everywhere. In my house it wasn’t “wash your hands before dinner” but rather, “wash your feet”. How many of us stepped on bees, got huge splinters and acquired the occasional piece of glass in our foot? I do think wearing shoes is the most sensible thing to do, but it was just one more rule that we did NOT have back then.

The Mail
What really comes in the mail these days? I get nothing but junk. We pay all our bills online and email daily, so what is so special about mail? In yesteryear, I lived for the mail for the mail contained “letters”! Those letters – deliciously written letters from boyfriends, gossipy letters from girlfriends, loving notes from parents and family members – this was the good stuff. Sad to say but most days I forget to check the mail. Why do I miss letters? Because they were personal, written in individual handwriting, and always revealed a glimpse of true personality.

Tamper-Free products
Now I am not suggesting that I dislike the added comfort of knowing that no one can tamper with my Tylenol bottle, but I sometimes miss the days of “ease of opening”. I broke my fingernail trying to open chap stick, of all things. It was sequestered in this container as if it was nuclear waste. I bought it on my way to work, my poor dried lips desperate for moisture, and the amount of effort it took for me to open the package was so frustrating – I broke a nail and ended up biting the cap with my teeth to pull off the plastic wrap enclosing the plastic tube. Have you tried to pull and unwind the top of a plastic lid, only to have it break off half way and you are stuck without the capability of opening the darn thing? Trust me – the 70’s was THE decade for easy access – simply unscrew the cap and you were good to go.

I could go on and on, so I will leave you with a short bullet-ed list of additional “things I remember”:

•Roller Rinks
•Disco
•Bell Bottoms
•Drive in movie theatres
•Coca Cola in glass bottles
•TV Variety Shows
•Hard Rock

Those were the days my friend….

Fear Not

I believe in life’s oppositions – good vs. bad, right vs. wrong, and light vs. darkness. I am a black and white kind of person with not too much gray area. It’s how I like to operate – do it big, or not at all – you can’t get a ‘little bit pregnant” as they say. There is another set of opposites I want to explore in my life – LOVE vs. FEAR. The interesting thing about the fear/love opposition is they are only two states of being. They cannot exist together at the same time in us, so at any given time we are either in love or we are in fear.

I saw the above pictured “fear not” bracelet and it just spoke to me. This got me wondering – do I operate more from ‘fear” than I do from the “love”? I visited one of my favorite blogs “TIny Buddha” to review a list of love versus fear virtues. In reading through this list, I thought of things in my life where I am fearful. It seems like fear has encroached on my psyche as I have gotten older and I want to make a conscious effort to not operate from this dynamic. I made a list of things I fear and how love provides for me the only state of being to operate from.

AGING
Classic, classic fear and one that I have given a great deal of thought to. The key to nailing this one is acceptance. To fear what is inevitable keeps you stuck and leaves you without hope. If you don’t accept and live in spite of it, you stay in an angry place where no real growth is possible. Imagine if we all raged against getting old and tried to perpetuate youth – there is no winning that game.
Love surrenders, fear binds

WHAT IF I NEVER FIND OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO PROFESSIONALLY?
So many of us have jobs that we enjoy but are not really what we want to be doing. It just might happen that we stay where we are and never find the job we think we would love. That’s okay. Fearing what you are currently doing because it might not be what you should be doing is taking away from your present. Don’t put your passion on a pedestal. Your ideal job might not be “out there” somewhere, just waiting for you to come along and find it. You can grow your passion for your job right under your feet. Ignite the passion where you are instead of thinking life will be great only if you find that perfect job.
Love inspires, fear worries

FEAR OF FOLLOWING “MY BLISS”
As Joseph Campbell so eloquently stated in The Power of Myth….. Follow your bliss. Find where it is, and don’t be afraid to follow it. The mere act of fearing something that could turn out to be your life’s greatest joy is to let yourself down entirely. Stop fearing and begin doing!
Love dreams, fear schemes

FEAR OF CONFRONTATION
Are you guilty of holding mental conflicts and confrontations? Do you lay awake at night having conversations with people you are angry with? All that anger keeps you in a fearful place. Operate from love by confronting your fear – break the prison within which you hold yourself because of your fear. Stand up for yourself and confront your issues with other people. Live the life you want with your friends, family and co-workers – not a life that is in your head.
Love is strong, fear is weak

FEAR OF CHANGE
Fear of change is what stops me from making positive changes in my life, I believe. The “grass is always greener” rationalization has stopped me more than once from moving forward – the fear of leaving where I currently am.
Love chooses, fear avoids

FEAR OF MAKING THE WRONG DECISION
Avoiding making a decision keeps you stuck, feeling paralyzed, boxed in, and afraid to make any type of move. In an attempt to try to remain in some sort of control, you don’t do anything. Being stuck sucks. Taking action makes you feel more courageous, no matter the outcome of your decision
Love creates, fear negates

These are just snippets of things that I fear and in analyzing them, I realize that coming from a place of love is always the way to go. It allows me to know that nothing and no one can harm me, and there is nothing to be upset about. Coming from a place of love is coming from a safe place – a fearless place.

I ended up going online and purchasing a “Fear Not” bracelet. I wear it all the time. It helps to keep me mindful of where I need to operate – from a place of love.

After all – to quote the Beatles – … Love is all you need.

Unchartered Waters

So – I’ve decided to let my hair grow gray and see where this takes me. For those of you who know me, this is HUGE. As you might have gathered by the bulk of my blog posts, I am a newbie 50 and I’m still not over it yet. The key for me in much of my life has been acceptance, so instead of trying to fight my age, it is in my best interest to work with it. I am going to take that step into the “letting it all hang out for the world to see” atmosphere.

To begin with my gray hair journey, I decided to do a little research.

Where does gray hair come from?
To quote David Bank, MD, the Director of the Center for Dermatology, “The process of going gray–which occurs as follicles stop producing melanin–is determined by DNA, not diet or other factors.” In other words, It has not been proven that humans develop more gray hair as a result of stress or lack of exercise. This is good to know – I’m not doing anything wrong – it’s just happening. Whew…

Why are my gray hairs wiry?
Because gray hair contains little to no melanin, gray hair is thinner and more fragile than pigmented hair. Gray hair also has a thinner cuticle than pigmented hair, which means its outer layer is easily damaged and dehydrated, making gray hair coarse and kinky.

How to begin?
I am just going to let the gray come in naturally for the time being. If you are not quite ready to brave this, ask your stylist to cover your roots with a demi-permanent dye that washes out in approximately 28 shampoos – that gives you about a month to ease into this. I also think a new cut will be helpful during the transition phase. Since the coarseness of gray hair can be challenging, I plan to start with a modern cut with clean edges. I don’t want a cut that might cause my ends to fray, making my hair look even messier, so I plan on avoiding any style that requires using a razor as this could definitely cause ends to split.

How to protect my new asset?
Using the right shampoo makes all the difference. There are several good products on the market for gray hair. Pantene makes a “Silver Expressions” shampoo and conditioner. Matrix has a “So Silver” product line as well. Wow – this is starting to look better and better. Since the few grey hairs I have framing my face tend to stick straight up or have a curl, I will remain vigilant about proper shampoos and upkeep.

Making the silver shine
I love this expression. I truly believe people will say this to you if you accent your gray hair with the right clothes and makeup. Charcoal and silver tend to make gray hair more striking. Earth tones such as beige and olive can wash you out. I happen to own an inordinately large amount of black clothing which is right up the gray hair alley, but I jazz up my black clothing with jewel tones (ruby-red, sapphire blue and deep purples.) These accent colors really make a difference in highlighting the gray.

Last, since gray hair can make your complexion appear dull, blushes are the perfect choice to warm up your skin tone. Avoid any beige colored blushes, as these tend to wash you out, and stick to more rose and peach colored shades.

I feel sort of excited thinking about this – almost like a new adventure in my life. It’s just what I need to enter my new “life after 50” fearlessly. Wish me luck! Enjoy the photographs of some famous grays: