Resolution….. happiness

I know – enough of the resolutions already.  While I enjoy making a resolution for the New Year, I prefer to make them throughout the year on a continuing basis as my life marches forward.   While at Yoga on New Year’s Eve, our instructor asked us to write down our resolutions for 2013.   After class, she read each and everyone’s aloud, awarding a prize of free yoga classes to the first two names she selected.  My name was unfortunately not selected,  but I did enjoy listening to everyone’s determinations for the 2013.

Most of the resolutions I heard seemed to center around a reachable goal – lose 5 pounds, walk the dog every day, keep personal items organized, make a new recipe each week – you get the picture.  As mine was read, I realized it was a bit lofty – “Feel True Happiness”.  Granted, I am happily married, enjoy my job, I have three wonderful children,  very special friendships, and have a certain amount of economic freedom.  I am not sure if it is the gloom of January,  aging, or recently losing both my parents, but lately I struggle to feel happiness, true happiness.

As I was seeking out this elusive “happiness”, most of my searches ended up quoting the mantra   “happiness is a choice” .  I don’t really think it’s that simple.  Granted – it might be a choice, but after you choose – the real work begins. It’s the “fake it til you make it” syndrome for me  – each and every morning I tell myself  “today I will be happy”.  To facilitate that thought, I decided to fill my mind with things that make me happy.  Since I am a music person – I thought I might start with a playlist of feel good music.  There are  just certain songs that put a smile on my face and make me feel downright good.

Here is my ‘Happy” playlist – (VIEW ENTIRE PLAYLIST)

  1. Blue Sky – The Allman Brothers
    This is my favorite song, hands down.  The guitar melody lifts my spirits and never fails to evoke an “all is right with the world” feeling.
  2. Diamonds – Rhianna
    The first line of this song gets me every time:
    “Find light in the beautiful sea, I choose to be happy”
  3. Hey Jude – The Beatles
    “Take a sad song and make it better” – what is better than that?
  4. Be Good – Hothouse Flowers
    Poignant refrain – “Be good, be kind, be truthful and feel free.”
  5. Beautiful Wreck – Shawn Mullins
    I love the words “what a beautiful wreck you are” because isn’t  that all of us?  Even with all our imperfections, flaws and complications, we remain beautiful wrecks in my opinion.
  6. You’ve Got the Love – Florence and the Machine
    We all have the love we need to see us through.
  7. Live Your Life – T.I.
    Just keep paddling down the river baby!
  8. O Babbino Caro – Puccini
    The amazing beauty of this song gives me a renewed faith in the human spirit every time I hear it.
  9. Say Hey (I Love You) – Michael Franti and Spearhead
    I love this song and it is such a fun video.  Michael Franti is the coolest dude I know.
  10. One Sweet World – Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds
    The acoustic version played with Tim Reynolds comes from one of my favorite albums of all time, “Live at Luther College:  Dave Matthew and TIm Reynolds”
  11. The Swimming Song – loudon wainwright iii
    Just keep reminding yourself to try, try again!
  12. Feeling Good – Nina Simone
    Her voice says it all
  13. Vampire Weekend – A Punk
    This song is  such fun and the video is great – makes me want to sing out loud.
  14. I Want to be Sedated – The Ramones
    Doesn’t everyone every now and then?
  15. Flagpole Sitta – Harvey Danger
    Dysfunctionally happy
  16. Wide Awake – Katy Perry 
    I like to think this is what each of us feels like when we come to a deep realization about ourselves.

I hope you can capture some of the feelings I have when listening to any of these songs.  HAPPY NEW YEAR and here’s to some happiness for 2013.

The Sauce to Meat is Ceremony

I was raised on this quote – it was one of my father’s favorites and a philosophy we lived growing up:
 “The Sauce to Meat is Ceremony” by William Shakespeare.

william-shakespeareWhat does this quote mean, you might ask?  Enhance any occasion or special event  by ceremoniously celebrating it with the little extras to help set it apart.   The “enhancement” part can be a bit of a chore to materialize, but worth it in the end.  Bust out  your good china for Christmas dinner, even if it means you have to hand wash all the dishes.   You have a gorgeous dining room that you never use?   Sit in there more often.   You never wear the diamond you got from your mother because it’s too good and you are saving it to wear for a special occasion?  Don’t wait – wear it!  Do you have the usual collection of candles that you don’t burn because burning them ruins their shape?  Use these items to add the “sauce” to your traditions.   They become the building blocks of memories you build with your family and provide the moments that make life special and meaningful.

I thought about this quote as I decorated  for Christmas.   For the past couple of years, as the girls have grown older, I found myself wondering why I continued to do the traditional decorating.   I could very easily just not do any of it, but I go back to the “Sauce to Meat is ceremony” which makes me realize that my “sauce” to Christmas is all the traditional things we do to celebrate it.   So I found myself over these past weeks moving through the ritual of “what we do” in the Martin household to honor the Christmas holiday.

For starters, I made my traditional peanut blossom cookies, compliments of Hershey’s Kitchens.    These can be a pain, peeling off the Hershey Kiss wrappers and rolling the dough into little balls, but the effort is worth it in the end.   Next I nosed around in the basement and dug out one of our many puzzles – I picked a glow in the dark landscape of Manhattan.   We usually leave a puzzle up all winter and pick at it here and there.

xmascollage1

My husband did the usual wrapping of the lights around our fresh  tree to prepare it for ornaments.  I assembled our Waterford Crystal tree.  I know – sounds decadent to have a tree decked in crystal ornaments, but my  Mother-In-Law gave and continues to give my daughters a Waterford ornament every year since they have been very little.  I always kept them in their boxes, thinking they were too good to put on the tree. I thought the crystal ornaments would look oddly formal in comparison to our  homey Christmas tree with it’s collection of mish mashed ornaments.   But then I decided to enjoy looking at them collectively so I  purchased a pre-lit tree years ago just for the Waterfords.   They really look beautiful with the tree lit up and I look forward to displaying them every year.  PicMonkey Collage

Don’t forget to use and display those things that have meant something to you over the course of your life, no matter how cheesy or corny they may seem.  I made a plate when I was in girl scouts in 3rd grade, and my daughter made one as well when she was little so I display our girl scout plates together –   it just wouldn’t be Christmas without them.
plates

Next we set up our “Candy Cane Forest”.   We ripped off the name from the movie “Elf” because it suited our plastic candy cane obsession perfectly.   They line the walk towards the front door and complete our outdoor decorations.  You can see them peaking out of the top of the snow.

candy canes

Finally we decorate the tree. As with most people, we have some classic gems for Christmas ornaments, the usual ballet selection, the homemade picture ornaments of the girls and some classics we have picked up along the way (the Elvis leather jacket for starters.)

PicMonkey Collage1

While all of this is going on, don’t forget to listen to Bing Crosby – the best crooner by far for the Christmas holiday.   “”Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say on a bright, Hawaiian Christmas Day”PicMonkey Collage

Desperately Seeking a Role Model

I remember a book that came out in the 90’s called  “Reviving Ophelia:  Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.  The book  takes a look at the effects of societal pressures on teenage girls, centering around the lack of positive models for young women and how they cave to the framework within which they see themselves through the eyes of society.

Being at this stage of my life, I could use a book called “The Art of Being Fifty:  Embracing the Decade with Grace” or something along these lines.  Talk about the effects of societal pressures on aging women  –  if I look towards the influences I see in the public arena  today, all I seem to see is plastic surgery –  the cure for getting old.   I mean, let’s face it  – where are the role models for fifty somethings?   This is the decade where our bodies go through some drastic changes and the aging process starts to speed up a bit,  yet the answers out there seem to be cosmetic, as if tightening up our faces will make us better, make us happier, make us more presentable to society.   It appears to be a desperate attempt to cling to our youth as if getting old is something to be ashamed of.

Last week I went to see “The Sessions” with Helen Hunt and I was so distracted by the Botox on her forehead  that it took away from the movie – I mean, her forehead didn’t move! Not to pick on Helen Hunt, but I could come up with a long list of famous women who have chosen the plastic surgery option.

Check out the documentary “Searching for Debra Winger” by Rosanna Arquette – it does an excellent job of addressing the pressures aging women face, especially in Hollywood.  I first saw this film 10 years ago when it first came out, and I didn’t identify with it at the time, but now it seems very relevant.

Isn’t it okay if we just stick with what we’ve got?   At this age, women have years of experiences which make us more interesting and generally more productive, so why is the prevailing theory that changing our outward appearance will make us more acceptable to others, and most importantly, to ourselves?

To quote from Searching for Debra Winger:

Martha Plimpton: Humor. Intelligence. Talent. Imagination. Bravery. Skill. When you deny all those things, what have you got? So you can’t blame women for resorting to that kind of standard {plastic surgery} when they’ve discounted all their other options {of sticking with what they have.}