The Art of Being Thoughtful

There are so many virtues to describe the gentler side of human beings – kind, caring, benevolent, and loving come to mind. Thoughtful could be added to this list, but I want to single this particular adjective out as in my mind it is the rarest of virtues to come across in life – a truly thoughtful person is a beautiful surprise to discover. Being thoughtful connotes thinking of and being aware of another person on a much higher level than most of us are capable of. It takes deep development and time to become thoughtful, and it is the ultimate level of consciousness when it comes to interacting and loving others. Being thoughtful is the one quality that I strive to possess. When I hear of someone described as “thoughtful” my ears perk up as this description is one of the highest distinctions one human being can give to the other.

Thoughtful people are those who pay attention to the people around them, reflect on the situation, and then choose to react and act purposefully and lovingly. It takes a bit more consideration and time than just being nice.

What sets thoughtful apart from kind, caring, and all those other adjectives? Kindness – treating everyone as you would treat yourself, caring – displaying concern for others, loving – showing love or great care, don’t hold a candle to the finesse and warm embrace that the word “thoughtful” embodies – showing careful consideration or attention. Careful consideration or attention suggests a certain amount of care that takes cultivation and preparedness before action.

Thoughtfulness takes time. It’s not that knee jerk reaction when you hear about a particular situation and go online and donate money, or the other avenues that we humans take to help one another. I am not admonishing these benevolent actions, as they are necessary for a purposeful life, but being thoughtful takes practice. It involves thinking profoundly and pondering someone else’s situation, genuinely trying to understand their position. But do you deliberately pursue being thoughtful? Do you know what a thoughtful person is and how you can be more thoughtful in your daily life?

A good listener is thoughtful. Genuinely listening to someone as they relate a situation they are in, or a problem they are facing, trains you to digest the whole story and put your feelings into it. In this way – when you do something thoughtful, you have truly listened to and reacted to another person’s story. A few weeks ago at work, I was worried about the shipping expense of sending trophies from tournament wins to local residents, as I work or a private club. I communicated this to my co-worker. She was obviously listening as a few hours later, she called me and volunteered to drop off some of the trophies on her way home from work as a way to save the expense of shipping. Her action showed thoughtfulness – she listened to me, put herself in my shoes, and truly wanted me not to worry about the problem anymore. I feel so very grateful that someone took the time to listen and assist. I didn’t get a “that sucks” comment from her, or a “I hear you” – she just thought about it and solved my problem for me. Thoughtfulness does not have to be a grand gesture, but merely one that reveals someone’s ability to empathize.

You can be thoughtful for the future without having the benefactors of your thoughtfulness even being aware of it. My father was very thoughtful. It showed up in many ways throughout his life, but never more so than his labeling of things. Wait – labeling things is thoughtful? It sure was. Upon his death, as we went through the house and all my parents belongings, there never was a question of “where did Dad get this?” Everything and I mean everything, was labeled. Pick up a small statue that’s sitting on the nightstand, and underneath it is the date and where it was purchased. Trust me – he did not do this for him. He did this for his children so we would always know where his belongings came from – making it easy for us to sort through items upon his death. His thoughtfulness will transcend time.

To be a thoughtful person, you need to give yourself time and space to think. It is important to take a step back and take in your surroundings to really see what it is that the people around you need. Given the times we live in, with access to everything at our fingertips and long lists of things to do inside our head, it becomes extremely difficult to be thoughtful when moving at the speed of light. Thoughtfulness requires mindfulness – time and space to think and reflect.  Please remember to slow down, and it will come to you.

A thoughtful person listens and learns from what they listen to. They act on the things they learn so they can provide support in the right way. My husband is very thoughtful – listening to me always and working very hard to understand what it is that I need. I had a rough day at work yesterday, and when I drove up in the driveway, he was sitting outside, cheese and crackers ready, my favorite wine poured in a glass, and a chair just waiting for me to curl up into and relax. I needed nothing else, and by putting himself in my shoes, he premiered his thoughtfulness in stellar fashion.

Truly listening to someone enables you to dig deeper, which allows you to ask the right questions. Sometimes the questions you ask add to thoughtfulness – showing that you are listening and want to understand the situation. You don’t have to agree with someone to understand them, and this understanding creates a bridge of connection. Lack of understanding can make the other feel like you are judging them.

Being thoughtful is not a one-time occurrence – especially if someone is hurting. Remember to circle back – it builds security in your relationship that you heard what the person was saying and also that it is important to you to keep following up. This action of circling back is extremely thoughtful. People will grow an appreciation for you, and most importantly, the rewards you reap for yourself will benefit your mental health and well being more than you can know. Being thoughtful means, it’s time to get out of your head and start thinking about others.

“When perception, thoughtfulness and understanding do meet, we can fashion a range of viable expectations and craft a world of togetherness.

Erik Pevernagie “The Morning After”


Have a listen to this blog post…
https://bit.ly/thoughtfulnessblog

Rebranding, Rebirth and COVID-19

Welcome to my new rebranded blog – same old me, just a different name. Whatwillfiftiesbring can last only so long, as I inevitably would have to transition to whatwillsixtiesbring, and then seventies, and then – UGH. So I decided to take this opportunity to update my site and my name. Welcome to lifeexperiencesaddup!

I have learned a lot about blogging over the past few months, and I realize I have been doing everything wrong, or as marketers like to say – doing squat about search engine optimization. While taking an online course on how to be a Virtual Assistant, the unit on blogging was eye-opening. It’s not all about the writing but about the selling. Most blogs I read ( and I guess I’m not reading the right ones) follow this formula: to re-purpose content from an ad campaign, a social media post, or an online class in the hopes that the idea will sell, sell. Ads are endless with fashion, food, and travel bloggers, and reading recipes on blogs is an advertising pop-up nightmare. Scrolling is infinite and by the time I get to that recipe I am looking for, I have become a scrolling champion. When I blog, I don’t follow the formula that leads to the inevitable call to action – learn more, let’s connect, or get your free copy now! I reviewed all my previous posts, and all I have to give you is words and, hopefully, a thoughtful takeaway.

I started this blog not only because I like to write, but because I want to share – l like for people to have an “aha” moment when reading something. It’s the reason why I like non-fiction – real experiences and antidotes about real people. I recently stumbled across the “Sunday Read,” put out by the New York Times, where an editor or staff writer reads an article they have published. Listening to these stories is pure joy, and I absorb the writer’s words, marveling at the skill it takes to detail a human experience. I get lost in the power of words and stories. This very thing is what I hope my blog will be – a story, a situation, a piece of life put down in the written form that someone can identify with and enjoy.

The idea of writing and sharing ideas could not be more pertinent than now. Have we all gotten enough of the daily news, or want a reprieve from it? The positives are rarely exemplified because fear is the only thing that sells. I hope to press reset, and get back to what life is really about – love and the people you share your life with. On the frequent walks I take with my husband each day, we both have noticed more kids outside – shooting hoops in the driveway, riding bikes, skateboarding, and just being kids. Forced to be home opens up what life used to be before soccer practice, swim practice, and other organized activities became the norm. Families are dining together, interacting with one another more, and the Zoom calls have made all of us realize the importance of connection, any way you can find it. During this time for me, I’ve picked up on a few things as well.

ITS THE LITTLE THINGS

I started using pitchers. An odd tidbit to have come out of COVID, but when you realize your home is your only salvation, you start looking at all the items in it as having a purpose – a useful function. I have all these cute smaller sized pitchers I inherited from my parents that take up space in my china cabinet – unused for years. Since I now have more food in the house due to cooking so much these days, my refrigerator is full. That little bit of orange juice left remaining in the carton that is taking up space – pour into a pitcher. It “Marie Kondo’s” your refrigerator aesthetic as it makes the inside look more organic. If you don’t have any tiny pitchers – you can use cool small cups or glasses. The inside of my refrigerator now gives me joy.

THE PLAYING FIELD HAS BEEN LEVELED

My Instagram news feed is a joy to behold. Certain celebrities I follow are home each day, trying to figure out the same things we are trying to figure out – how to keep busy, how to juggle a professional and personal life that has suddenly melded into one, how to set boundaries on your work day. Posts from Influencers are no longer relevant to me, and when things return to normal, I hope they never are. I don’t want their posts to be what I care about or what matters to me. Outside of being nothing more than advertisers, Influencers are like Seinfeld episodes – all about nothing and everything to do with illusion. Do we really want to see an absolutely perfect looking human standing on a beach, touting the benefits of the particular resort they happen to be in – selling, selling, selling? How does this help my life? It slowly detracts from my human experience as subconsciously I do compare myself inadvertently to those who seem to have it all, and who can pay someone to make them so iconic that they in turn make huge dollar amounts by looking at the camera the right way, or creating the illusion that if you could be where they are right now – your life will be perfect. As Hugh Grant so eloquently says in Notting Hill when he finds out the whole world, except him, knows everything about his famous love interest’s extracurricular activities, “My whole life ruined because I don’t read Hello Magazine.” Life is not about watching someone else live a fabulous life and yes – you will survive if you are not aware of the latest scandal. RESET RESET RESET

YOU REALIZE WHAT IS IMPORTANT

Sounds cliche – right? We are told to hold onto what is essential, but is this something instinctively known by all of us – do we get it? It takes times like these to bring that lesson back to us and for us to hold on to it. It is true – we are not defined by our careers, how much money we have, the cars we drive, or the vacations we take. Being stuck at home, things start to add up. We cannot rely on the distractions that so many of us utilize to avoid dealing with how we feel, or how to make us feel better. You cannot run to the mall to buy that little something to jump-start your weekend, or grab dinner at your favorite bistro with a friend, or meet at your favorite coffee shop. Even shopping online is not fun as I mean, really – how much loungewear and leggings can one person buy? We are not out in the material world as much, so we are left with the physical.

My Prairie Crossing Views

THE JOYS OF WALKING

I gave up running years ago as it was just too hard on my body, and I moved more into Pilates, yoga, and cycling. Yoga and Pilates are easy to do inside during quarantine, and since its early spring, I have been able to get out on my bike. Walking, however, has been one of the most exciting discoveries I have found. I launched onto it one morning when it was too cold to ride my bike, and I was desperate to get out of the house. It doesn’t matter if it’s cold out (bundle up, no biggie), or if it’s raining ( I have had the most pleasant walks carrying an umbrella and wearing my raincoat and rain boots). You connect with the Earth, and it’s fabulous. I usually listen to podcasts and catch up on things. Weather in Northern Illinois always gets a well deserved bad wrap, but when you get outside and be part of the current weather environment – it’s not so bad; in fact, it is downright beautiful. I have started, recently, to keep the earbuds out, just to take it all in. The sound of the gravel crunching beneath my feet, the grasses swaying in the wind, the frogs croaking in the wetlands, and hearing the water ripple on the lake is a reminder of how beautiful our planet is. Last week, while walking in an upper 40 degree chilly spring day, I had a moment. I worked up enough of a sweat to feel warm inside but felt the cool breeze on my face. The world looked crisp and clean, and I found myself overwhelmed by nature.

Most people are on the world, not in it

John Muir

COVID has changed our lives, there is no doubt about it. Just how your life is changing is up to you. Rediscover the simpler things in life, and what is most important to you. We don’t need to rely on the media to define who we are and how we are going to handle this. And as I emphatically stated above, I want this blog to be more storytelling than selling, so here is the audio version of what I wrote today. Put in your ear buds, take a walk, and enjoy.

What Happened to You?

Piggy backing on my Common Courtesy blog post regarding rude people, I had described my frustration at those who just do what they want, ignoring signage, requests from people, and other social clues which indicate how policies and rules set forward are for the ultimate benefit of everyone.  I heard someone outline a bad behavior situation the other day involving a flight attendant who told those on a full flight to not put their jacket in the overhead compartment, and watched while someone stood up and did just that – took up overhead space for a jacket.  Rude. That would have angered me as the damn jacket takes up room, so my take would have been “what is wrong with this person”?  Surprisingly though, their take on it was more of “what happened to this person” in their life that they truly cannot follow common courtesy rules?  Viewing a situation in such as way as this is a benevolent way to go and applying empathy towards the person in question helps to calm that anger that starts to well up.  This is the place I would like to operate from as anger just chews me up.

Continue reading “What Happened to You?”