Yoga Nidra

Yoga Nidra – heard of it?  Neither had I – until a few weeks ago.  My first time back to yoga since foot surgery, I decided to take it easy on myself and take an athlete’s recovery class. This class focuses on deep stretches and is helpful for those in rehabilitation, those who have an imminent athletic feat coming up (in my case, RAGBRAI), or for those who simply want to get in tune with their muscles by deep stretching.

The last 15 minutes of the athletes recovery class is a practice called Yoga Nidra. Yoga nidra, or yogic sleep, is a powerful meditation technique.  Resting in savasana (corpse pose), this meditation takes you through the five layers of self, leaving you with a sense of wholeness.   These precious fifteen minutes of Yoga Nidra are equivocal to one hour of sleep.

I was somewhat skeptical, and only participated in Yoga Nidra because I was taking the athlete’s recovery class.  I grabbed a bolster, placed it under my legs, closed my eyes, and settled in for this unknown experience.  The instructor explained that it is not unusual to move in and out of consciousness as the Yoga Nidra script is recited.

As I lay there listening to the rhythm of the script, I began to feel overwhelmed with emotion and fought off tears as I wanted to break down and sob.   What was going on? After the session, I waited for the class to exit so I could go up to the instructor and cry openly.  She told me it is not unusual for people to cry and she even heard someone scream out loud.

As I reflected on my experience, I realized the session offered me a space to explore what I needed in that moment and provided me with a window into myself.  It brought face to face what I need to overcome emotionally.  I had no idea I had these emotions, and yet coming to an honest space with these feelings, I realized that they are just below the surface of me and have been there all along – I just never created an opportunity to deal with them.

What emotions came rising to the surface?  My struggle with acceptance of myself, and my inability at times to acknowledge that I am doing the best I can do.  We all pressure ourselves to prove to the world that we are worthy, we pressure ourselves by comparing ourselves to other people, and we pressure ourselves to be happy.   Releasing those unhealthy emotions was so healing – it was like a tune up for the soul.

And do you know what?  I can say this proudly – I am damaged.  My body armor has many dents in it – trauma, mistakes, injustice, hurt, grief, and misfortune.  No one emerges from this life unscathed.  However, by acknowledging the damage that life can bring over the years releases it and opens up room for healing, room for acceptance.

I was overwhelmed (hence the crying) by how hard I am on myself and how I care way too much about things that do not matter.  These self destructive thought patterns take away from how valuable I am – how valuable we all are.  Beating ourselves up over very tiny factors of daily life ruins the moment and is equivocal to carrying around a sack of rotten potatoes – the rot chipping away at your self esteem bit by bit.  That is why I cried – by releasing all those sad feelings that were trapped inside of me was kind of like me giving myself a hug, and I found myself saying “it’s okay Robin – you are okay”.

I have since found myself craving the profound relaxation that this practice instills, and using the non-judgmental and secure atmosphere that yoga nidra provides as a window into my emotional self.  I can think of no better way to explore what you need in the moment, as well as an opportunity to work on releasing long-held emotions. It is sort of like taking out the garbage – do it!

We’re all damaged. Every single beautiful, stupid, precious one of us. Damaged, damaged, damaged.
― Matthew Norman, We’re All Damaged