Choose Different Stars

I used to pride myself on having a “5-star day”. I felt the most complete when I accomplished exercise, cleaning, cooking, gardening, and reading. These five criteria I set for myself, when achieved, gave me a deep sense of accomplishment. I also felt a sense of abject failure if I did not “earn” them. Five-star days were not a daily occurrence but a standard I set for myself every opportunity I could seize.

Fast forward 20 years later. Five-star days are a thing of the past. It took me a long time of denial and disbelief to get here, but I finally am. This journey to my acceptance was a comment my daughter made to me as I was in the throws of beating myself up for not cramming five rather large activities into one day or even a weekend. I lamented how tired I was after riding my bike to yoga, taking a yoga class, riding home (exercise), working in the yard for an hour (gardening), and cooking dinner. With three of my five stars reached, I was exhausted. Frustration crept in as I stated how disappointed I was that I couldn’t complete my five stars without being a mess. My daughter gently grabbed my hand and said, “Why don’t you choose different stars to define yourself?”

It was then that everything became crystal clear. Why is it that we are so hard on ourselves as we get older? I was comparing my 50’ish-year-old self to when I was in my thirties – how incredibly unfair I was to me. Getting old is not for the faint of heart. Aches and pains start to swell up, years of wear and tear on your body, no matter how fit you are, begin to creep in, while energy levels decline. I have found the aging process to be so subtle that my awareness of it happening did not catch up. I was still trying to live my life as a thirty-year-old, and I realized I needed to set new boundaries. I threw out the fact that I do not have those five-star days anymore, and I incorporated making new stars. Even though I’m not cooking, cleaning, gardening, and more in one day, I find I am doing even more valuable things which contribute to my well-being so much more than my previous list. My new “stars” leave me far less frantic and way more centered.

Morning Reflection

How can this be a star? In thinking about this, I realized that taking morning time for myself is a far better thing I currently do than jumping out of bed and frantically begin on all the tasks I set for myself as I used to do. Morning reflections are an accomplishment and one that takes discipline. A few months ago, I downloaded an app called “Breethe”. I paid for this one, but it’s worth it. The app content focuses on sleep, meditation, and mindfulness. Anxiety, stress, and other mental roadblocks appear more as we age, and most of that stems from not being present. A 10 – 20 minute mind exercise of breath, mantras, and meditation yields benefits that duplicate and over again. You will find your day starts on a solid footing. A consistent morning meditation practice calms the mind and allows us to gain greater insight into life’s essential lessons. The more thorough the process of self-reflection, the better we recognize our thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs for what they are. Morning reflection is by far the most crucial star for me.

Be Kind

How hard can this be to earn a star? Just be nice? Believe it or not, this can be challenging for many people, especially those lost in their heads. Make it a point to be kind to anyone throughout the day. Don’t take your baggage out on other people, even if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Try putting yourself in someone’s shoes. Compliment someone on their style of dress, acknowledge a co-worker for an achievement, or write a note to someone who needs a word of encouragement – this is important stuff. Being kind helps boost the immune system, reduce blood pressure and reduce stress and anxiety – what a bonus! All this for just being nice? You bet. Feelings of anger can turn into self-destructive behaviors because they lead to what I like to call permissive thoughts. Permissive thinking allows a person to engage in unproductive behaviors, damaging, and result in negative consequences.

Eat Right

Healthful eating has many health benefits, such as reducing the risk of heart disease, stroke, obesity, and type 2 diabetes. It also can boost a person’s mood and provide them with more energy. Besides exercise, there is nothing more vital that you can do for your physical body than eating right. Having a good diet, for me at least, takes some work. It’s always easier for me to grab a handful of goldfish crackers than to have a piece of fruit for breakfast. I now make healthy smoothies each night before bed, or overnight oats, as a morning go-to. I add some chia seeds and a scoop of protein powder to my smoothie, and I feel great.

Exercise

Exercise is a no-brainer for me, but I realize that many people struggle with exercise simply because they don’t like to do it. Exercise does not mean you have to kill yourself trying. A simple walk around the neighborhood is good enough for your body – it keeps you moving and can improve your health and well-being in many ways. By simply walking, you are setting yourself up for a more solid future for your physical body.

Read

Reading is the star I kept for myself from my previous list. Reading to earn a star might have some of you scratching your heads, but for most of us who manage to watch TV every night, replace a bit of that time with a good book or a magazine article and see how much better you feel. Reading reduces stress, promotes comprehension and imagination, alleviates depression, helps you sleep, and may prevent Alzheimer’s. Reading is active; watching TV is passive.

I don’t always get to accomplish my stars, but I have gone easy on myself if my goals aren’t always met. I do most of the above list regularly, and I am pleasantly surprised that what I thought were not “star-worthy” really ended up being “stars above”. I think we all need to readjust our goals when it comes to setting unrealistic limits for ourselves. If you feel any sense of failure or frustration for getting older and losing some of the things you used to do with ease, replace them with things that honor you. Live your life to the fullest – even if the criteria to get there change a bit. Redefine the expectations you set for yourself and develop new ones to showcase the best of you.